Dear Honest Surrogate, Will my kids understand?

Dear Honest Surrogate: My kids are young. Will they understand what going on if I am a gestational surrogate?  Thinking about them and what they will understand. -Thinker

Dear Thinker: We all comprehend and learn things differently; the same can be said for children.  Now don’t go tell them the all scientific wording of how babies are made through surrogacy, but you can make the explanation toddler or age appropriate for them. I think you might be surprised at what they will understand. At the time I started my surrogacy journey my kids were the ages of four and one. I started by explaining how we have our family; you have a little sister. Some mommies and daddies are unable to have children so they need a little help from us to create their family. We then explained that Mommy will have a baby in her tummy growing, and when that baby is ready to come out that baby will go home with their mom and dad because we are just keeping the baby warm for them until they can come out into the world.  You can explain it however you like to your children, but it doesn’t need to be complicated. There was not one bit of hesitation from my four year old; she was so excited to meet new people and help. My one year old was still in pre-toddler land, just rolling with whatever sister was doing. If sister was excited, she should be too. 

My children then met the Intended parents for the first time, and they were even more understanding than I thought they would be. We did explain and mentally prepare them before we met, but we were pretty realistic about the boundaries of how much a one year old might understand. But she knew that these people were nice to her and her sister likes the so she would, too.  By the time the babies were born my one year old was two and gained even more understanding. She talks about the babies all the time now. When we get pictures or texts we all stop what we are doing and just smile and talk about the babies with each other. We weren’t scared to hold anything back from them; we always talked to them about what was going on and made sure that they were ok. 

I am very lucky that my intended parents are able and willing to share pictures and videos with us so we can see the babies grow. We are even lucky to live close enough that we can visit them from time to time. 

Remember, every child learns differently and every child takes a different amount of time to comprehend things. If you respect that in your children, they will learn to do the same for you and understand the amazing thing you are doing for someone. 

More about Callie’s journey here.

As an agency we have many resources for you and your children. Even play groups and meetups with other children going through surrogacy as well. Check out our web page for more information about a meetup near you!