Dear Honest Surrogate
Dear Honest: I am 12 weeks pregnant with my intended parents’ surro-baby and my boyfriend finally popped the question! Hooray! Is it ok for us to get married before the baby is born? -Bridal Bliss
Dear Bliss: Congratulations! Such exciting news! The answer to your question isn’t altogether straightforward without some additional information. First, I would suggest that you reach out to your agency (if you have one) and attorney (you definitely had an attorney, right???). At the very least they will want your new husband to be a party to your gestational carrier agreement as in many states the husband is legally presumed to be the father and you wouldn’t want to add that confusion in without it being very clear what the intentions were. A larger issue to look into is that some intended parents legally must use a single gestational carrier, especially if they are International, due to the laws of their country. Check with a professional who has all the facts before you run to the courthouse, but when you are able to: Congratulations!
Dear Honest Surrogate: I’m afraid my intended parents are going to make extreme requests of me. Help!! – Nervous Nelly
Dear Nervous: It’s definitely natural to worry about such things! This is where honest communication and a great agency can be a huge asset for you. Most Intended Parents just want to find a woman who will carry their baby as safely and lovingly as she would have her own children. Every once in a while you’ll find parents that have some more unusual requirements, though. I’ve heard of intended parents that only want their gestational carrier to eat organic foods, to eat kosher, to avoid all seafood , not travel more than 50 miles from home or to use very specific cleaning products. You need to be honest with yourself, your matching agency and with them as to whether any request is truly too much of a hardship for you. Being a gestational carrier is difficult as it is – you need to be up front about what you are and are not willing to do from the start. If you are willing to go all organic, but only if your intended parents pay enough extra that you can cook all organic for your entire family so you aren’t cooking two meals, let them know! If your parents live 75 miles from you but near a great hospital, make sure you have an open conversation to see if that objection can be overcome. Most requests have great compromises if you are honest with your feelings from the start!